a little crafty nest

moments from the week

Stormy spring weather continues, allowing the garden to drink up fresh rain, turning everything into a vision of emerald abundance...I will never tire of the vibrant shades of spring greens, tinged with yellows...proof that miracles happen in the ordinariness of today.

My friend, Melanie, made a post about an ordinary day, which made me instantly think of something I read recently.  Many of you may know about Taproot magazine, brought to you by the multi-crafty-talented Soulemama and friends.  Well, my favourite essay in the whole lot was written by her husband (what a team!) and he wrote, "...somehow great things occur under that false cloak of monotony."  These words have stayed with me, whispering in my ear, reminding me to accept and even embrace this very moment ~ no matter how mundane it may seem.

When I look back through the camera card that records our week's everyday moments, they seem more than ordinary.  They do, in fact, seem extra-ordinary.  I feel blessed for these miracles that are occurring right before my very eyes. 

See my helpers, eager to do the simple tasks of our household...

a blurry photo of a determined Huckley bringing in the kindling

Forrest wanted to help me pick the first nettles of the season...well-protected

pancake morning...Sunshine mixes the wet ingredients til they are good and frothy

while Huckley is in charge of the dry ingredients, focused on keeping it all in the mixing bowl

After the more serious tasks of the household, comes the real work of childhood, imaginative play.

Josh brought these two rootballs home from the bush, on two separate excursions, this spring.  Sunshine is sitting in the fairy castle, with the knight's armament beside her against the woodshed.  There are already grand plans for the adventures of all the gnomes and fairies.

Indoors, the four season's playmat ignites their imagination.  A friend from maplerose made this beautiful work of art which is a real treasure.

Many a spring day you may find us beside our creek, throwing rocks, poking at the mud, playing with snails and toads, or just swinging.  On days like this, I sit quietly beside the littles, drinking in the spring goodness.

This last photo is a tender one for me, as it signifies the first time I really had to put solid boundaries down regarding nursing with Huckley.  He is 22 months old and still nurses on demand, around the clock.  I am happy with this arrangement, too, as he truly is the best night-time snuggler.  However, for awhile he has begun nursing in earnest at night, leaving me exhausted and sore.  After a few sleepless nights, I realized he wasn't eating as much for dinner, making him hungrier than usual during the night.  So, I have decided to be firm and consistent about eating first, nursing second.  Well, after nap on this day, it wasn't going to fly very easily and Huckley's determined streak came out.  Let's just say it was a long, tear-filled half hour...for both of us.  Forrest and Sunshine encouraged me to just nurse him, but I explained that he needed to know I wasn't going to give in on this one.  I held Huckley, I told him I loved him countless times, I acknowledged this was a hard thing for him to understand, but that it was important.  I told Forrest and Sunshine how I night-weaned each of them at about the same age and it was difficult, but necessary to the health of our household.  I'm not sure they believed me, but when Huckley finally understood he just had to take one bite before he could nurse, the tears dried and my sunny boy re-emerged.  Mama was forgiven.  Hours later, I'm still taking the Rescue Remedy for that one, but experience has shown me that this is just another of the many trials of motherhood.

Indeed, these mundane and everyday moments are what we make of them.  For me, they form the memories of my little one's childhood.

And they remind me, in a beautifully humbling way, of the wonderful company I keep.

moments from the week

a Leprechaun by Forrest, age 6

This past week was full of mud, snow, sleet, hail, leprechauns, and rainbows.  Did I mention mud?  Living on the side of a mountain, our whole property slopes down and so the snow melt literally becomes a rivulet coursing down our driveway, gaining momentum, and collecting in pools and puddles all around.  Wonderful for all sorts of splashing, mucking, boating, bucketing play.  Oh, 'tis mud season alright!

I'm determined not to twitch too much with all the muddy clothing.  For there is a lot of muck coming through our front door right now ~ clinging to all the mama-made woollens, clogging up the sink, settling in little rings on the floor.  Nope, I'm not going to say one word about it...rather, I'm going to try and enjoy this (mud) season of their childhood.  It is really fleeting, afterall, and soon, oh soon, the mud will be replaced with little green shoots poking up.

May your weekend be fabulously filled with happy, mud-soaked smiles!

moments from the week

This whole mama trip really demands a lot!  More than I ever imagined, I have had to dig deeper inside myself, and on a regular basis, find the strength within.  And just as I seem to find a groove and feel like I'm really sailing along rather than puttering, I hit a rock and get beached all over again.  Last week was a hard one on so many levels...mothering, step-mothering, managing diabetes, having my husband mostly away...but at some point during this week, a shift happened.  I felt a huge weight lift that I had thought was just a minor load.  And oh, life feels so much better now.

A few nights ago, when Josh got home from work, I told him that I wasn't being the kind of mama I wanted to be.  I felt like I wasn't giving my children my best.  He listened and let me know he supported the decisions I was making.  And I realized that my children will continue to bicker over seemingly mindless things, they will shout and leave muddy footprints throughout the house just after I've washed the floor.  My children will not always ask me for things nicely and they will not always behave as I want them to.  They are children, afterall.  But the difference is me.  I can choose to get wound up and freak out about it ~ I can pick my so-called battles.  I really am the one who determines the atmosphere of the home and if I get uptight and cross and unhappy, it is felt on such a deep, heart level with these three little ones.  I am their emotional barometer.  I am showing them how to deal with Life, in all its chaos and imperfections.  A heavy load, to be sure.  But, it is what I make of it.

And when I understood this, again (for how many times have we all visited and re-visited these ponderings?), I felt better.  I am choosing to be here with them and so I need to choose what is important to guide them through, and what is best left with a simple shrug.

This week...A puzzle queen was born, as any puzzle of any description or difficulty was attempted.  Most were a success, some needed help.  And a little boy became the puzzle queen's apprentice.

My goodness, Sunshine is persistent and determined.  At one point, we had four floor puzzles lined up in a row to be admired.  One proud girl, and mama, to be sure.

~Quiet time with the brothers.  Looking through photo albums, before our digital camera arrived.  I must get back to printing more photos for each of their photo albums.
Also, Forrest is finally back in his bedroom after four months of a stalled and started and stalled reno.  A few more details and I will share...

~Huckley is continally trucking our kindling and logs around the house.  He loves to move them to various locations, and "build" a fire, sometimes with a silk.  It makes a mess, but it is so darn sweet.  He has such a serious look about his "work", I dare not stop him!

~ Most of the outdoor play this week has been re-constructing Snowflake Village.  It has gotten colder again, with a few sprinklings of snow, so the children were excited to be back in the Village.

This is our little kitchen garden under a few feet of snow.  While they played, I dreamed of the fruit, vegetables and flowers I wanted to grow, right below where they are each standing.  I have always tried, ever since my oldest was born, to really be present in the moment and not ever wish for a stage to hurry up and be over, as I know it will be all too soon.  I don't want to ever hear myself say, "Oh, I really want him to be done with that!" or "It will be so much better when she isn't doing that anymore."  So I am trying to enjoy this winter, this coldness, this grey spell for all it is worth.

Though, it seems Forrest is thinking about playing in the dirt, too.

Huckley won't be brought inside, if he can help it.  Within two weeks he has gone from disliking outdoor play, to reveling in it.  Perhaps it is because he found a favourite sand shovel and is moving snow, little bits at a time, in an unhurried, purposeful way.  He refuses his mitts as they won't allow him to grasp the shovel that way, and the other two children followed his lead ~ I'm not sure how they stand the cold for so long!  Funny, there hasn't been a single complaint, though.  Picking your battles, remember?

And inside, there is a little Valentine magic emerging on the Nature Table, which the littlest has discovered.

And once mama remembered to be a positive barometer, the whole household was feeling the love...

Yesterday, I helped my three year old daughter with one of her puzzles and she looked at me and smiled and said, "Mama, you are a really good teacher."  Oh, if she only knew...it is such a difficult path some days.  Thank goodness the rewards are looking up at me and whispering such loving kindness.

moments from the week

While last week was filled with flowing rhythm, this week was anything but!  I felt so challenged...by living with diabetes, by my children's energy levels, by my distinct lack of patience...Ahhh, it's been a tough one and of course, late at night lying in bed, I go over the countless ways I could have handled things better.  I know you know what I mean.  I really needed just ten minutes to myself to gather, to center, to regroup.  Josh is away on long long days, we don't see him at all until bedtime, and I have really felt the burn-out this week. 

I must add, though, that this is exactly where I want to be...at home, with my family.  I just struggle sometimes understanding how in the heck a western world's nuclear family is suposed to thrive, let alone survive?!

So this week, I have been experimenting with different ways to gain a few moments to myself amidst the bustle of living with three small people, with only myself to lean on.  It's a balancing act, this motherhood gig, I tell you!

However, the best way to center myself is to review the week in photos, and to see the happiness that was indeed there, shining right before my very eyes!

These three little ones are my joy!  I plunked the oldest in the snow, and the others gleefully demanded the same.  The snow is soft and heavy ~ Spring Snow.  I'm certain there will be colder days ahead, but the rink is finished and we are onto sledding and snowshoeing.  And yes, these are specatator sports...

We also did our new monthly visit to the library ~ how did I ever manage before the blessed library became a part of our life?  Forrest is so anxious to dive in, he hadn't even undressed completely before he was immersed in his new stash of books.

Youngest boy loves his books, too!  All the older people in the household model to this wee one just how wonderful books are, and he doesn't ever want to miss out on a thing.

I am also trying to incorporate a new quiet rest hour after lunch...again!  I could see how tired the older two were getting from late nights waiting for Papa to come home, yet they are too old to nap.  So I purchased some inexpensive CD players for their bedrooms and while I lay down with Huckley, Forrest and Sunshine sit on their beds, reading, drawing, or making puzzles while listening to a story or soft music on tape.  Right now, James Herriot's collection is a favourite.

I have never "plugged" them into anything before, but it is sitting well for me.  After a short while alone, I went and sat beside Sunshine while she lay quiet, basking in the warm winter sunshine streaming in her window.  It was so lovely to snuggle and cuddle my sweet girl for half an hour, alone.  I think this is going to be a helpful activity to give me some much needed quiet time...and the children, too.

We have also been spending some quiet afternoons by the fire playing these cooperative boardgames.  Do any of you know about these games?  They are really very simple, ranging in skill levels but many games can be played with 3 year olds.  Our favourite right now is Snowstorm and we all work together to clear the roads so we can get our errands down about town.  Good times!

And then, there has been handwork...lots of embroidery and (finger)knitting...a true joy for me to see my own children delight in handwork.

While it was a hard week for mama (and inevitably everyone feels that, right?), I look back and see that there was a lot of goodness, too.  It is so helpful for me to savour these little ordinary moments, at the very least they are a reminder that there certainly is some beauty radiating out of these three sweet souls I am honoured to call my children.  What wonderful teachers they are for me...I am truly blessed!

Have a lovely weekend, friends, filled with beauty, goodness and Light.

pink elephant ~ january 2012 ~ 365 days later

Our family's "elephant in the room" is a pink one.  Our 3 year old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in January 2011 at the age of 2 1/2 years old, and it has changed our lives forever.  Every month, I post a little update on how we are coping with her condition

So very much may happen in the space of one year.  I look at where my family was 365 days ago, and it seems surreal.  That other life.  The one I often wish we had again, but I have slowly learned to let those dreams slip away.

I have been dreading this day for several weeks now.  Well, actually, I think for months as I have been counting the months since diagnosis, tallying them off like little signposts marking where we have journeyed from, and how far we have to go.

I have wondered how to mark this day.  Some families have a party, some don't bother to acknowledge it at all.  Many grieve all over again, like me. 

I look back over this year of struggles and of tears, and yes, there have been some small triumphs.  These little gems of success that I hold like treasures in my heart.  Rather than easily slipping into melancholy all over again, I want to remember what we have gained this past year.

First and foremost, I feel so enriched by the people in my life who have held me up and kept me from toppling.  My family has been very helpful to me, and has actively begun a lifelong campaign to find a cure.  I have also been blessed with some new friends, many whom I probably will never meet in person.  But their friendship is a beacon of light to me.  They understand what my family is going through because they, too, are going through it themselves.  Whether it be through Diapers and Diabetes or through this humble little blog, I have met some strong, wonderful, compassionate people who have reached out at precisely the right moment.

In the hospital, we were told that the pokes would get easier.  Having a fear of needles(maybe even a phobia) since childhood, I was absolutely doubtful.  It took me three days to do my first poke on my daughter, blinded with panic and tears running down my face.  Hard to believe now as Sunshine will nonchalantly stick her finger out to me as she carries on a conversation with her brother, or continues to read a book, or even in while she is drifting off to sleep.  Though, she still tells me, almost every time, "Oooh, that one hurt, mama"!  I've done a little math and that amounts to about 5500 pokes endured over these last 365 days!

Countless times in the hospital, we were told by doctors, nurses, social workers, friends, family, and other families living with T1D that life would be so much better in six months.  I held onto that number, waiting, virtually holding my breath.  Six months came and went, and it still was so hard.  That was when we got the insulin pump and it felt like being diagnosed all over again.  Hell is not too strong of a word for what life felt like then.  But then, at nine months, ten months, I felt...ok.  I realized I wasn't crying every day.  I realized I wasn't worrying constantly.  I realized we were venturing out more often.  I realized life was becoming more normal.  They were right, those know-it-alls!  Thank goodness, they were right.

Perhaps the most dramatic change over the course of the year, is within myself.  No one else can see this change.  Just me.  I notice that I am having the power to turn off my emotions if I feel a surge of sadness heading my way.  Rather than let the tsunami tear me to pieces, I simply say "Nope.  Not right now, thanks.  I'm not up to drowning right at this minute.  Try again some other time, buster."  Anyone knowing me at all would understand why this is so significant.  I'm very, ahem, easily persuaded to let my emotions run amok.  My whole life I've been told I'm too sensitive, too dramatic.  Well, that may still be the case, but I can at least tell when I'm ok to let the floodgates open, and when I need to shut 'er down.  It's a self-preservation thing.  I know when I should stop researchin, or when to tune out the latest anecdotes in my support group.  If I open myself up to my emotions, it makes for a looooonnnnngggg night, and an even longer day parenting.  I just can't do it...all the time.

365 days later.  We are all a year older, a lot wiser, and a lot more knowledgeable.  I asked my children what they thought living with Type 1 Diabetes is like...

Forrest (6 years old) : "Sunshine sometimes feels good and sometimes doesn't feel good.  When she feels not good, she needs a poke.  That's when I feel NOT good."

Sunshine (3 years old) : "A long time ago, I went to the hospital.  I had an IV and lots of needles.  My mama and papa and brothers stayed with me.  I felt not good at the hospital...Having diabetes means I have to have pokes and boluses when I want to eat food...I like the pump because I not like needles.  Needles hurts sometimes."

Because we are homeschooling and live a fairly sheltered life, the children don't really know any different.  They don't really talk about being "sad" or "mad" about diabetes.  Once or twice Sunshine has asked me to make it go away, but it isn't much of an issue.  She seems to accept her condition, at this point in her life.  The future holds many more challenges, and triumphs, but I think I'll turn my mind away from that whole tsunami for now.

365 days later.  It's good to be here with my family.  I have so much to be thankful for.

a few special moments

Dear December, I am so glad you are here!  You are the month of excitement, of magic, of happy hearts.  Outside, everything is fresh and still, quiet and peaceful...yet, within there is an undercurrent of motion, of energy, of activity.  Dear December, I have learned to embrace you again through the eyes and hearts of my children. 

Advent has really begun in earnest around here.  With our Nativity scene and a store-bought calendar, this is our third calendar that I made over the past few years.  Now, the three little ones have something to do each day, taking turns in a rotational way.  How exciting the morning has become, to race downstairs and move forward one more day towards the return of the Light.

This little fella is full of beans, I tell you!  He loves to make people laugh, especially when he is egged on by his older siblings.  At snacktime this morning, I went into the kitchen for something only to hear great guffaws from said older ones.  Never a good sign.  This is what I returned to...one big yogurt disaster!  (With mama smothering her own giggles, too)!

We've also been dealing with congested little people...(I know, I know, yogurt is not a good idea when the noses are faucets, but it was all that was on hand this morning).  The two younger children sleep in our bedroom at night and it is like they are having a contest on who snores the loudest!  There has been less sleep than usual this week, and our usual is already at a minimal.  Huckley is 17 months and still nurses during the night...and right now, that is a large majority of the night.  I've been finding myself recalling (with fondness) when I night-weaned the other two.  But this is my last baby and I am holding on...besides, he loves it so much!  There is really nothing like curling up around my little baby at night, all snuggled together, often holding his little hand in mine.  We fit so well. 

I'm not sure if this is a global thing, but where we live, November has been called Mow-vember.  Lots of photos of Tom Selleck and his big mustache all over the place to promote men's health...which I think relates to prostate but the guys just call it "men's health".  All over our little ski town, men are sporting all variations of mustaches.  They look ridiculous and it is all too obvious something is going on in town.  Anyhow, my six year old picked up on it with his keen radar and came downstairs tonight like this...

Do you see how serious he looks...that's because he is serious about this look!  Lately, he's very conscientious about his "style".  You'd think we get out lots, but nope.  We see other people mabye once or twice a week.  Imagine if it were more often...

And then there is wee little Huckley and his phone.  Honestly, I can barely answer a phonecall in a day...if I do, suddenly our 1500 sq ft home shrinks to the 2 sq feet around me, with little arms grabbing at me, little people squabbling at each other, and oh yes, please please please mama may I use the carving knife to open the coconut milk can?  Does this sound familiar?  I choose the path of least resistance and usually let the answering machine pick up ~ much to the chagrin of relatives.  And so, seeing Huckley wander about with this useless stereo remote (where in the heck did he find that, I wonder) was, well, comical.

One last photo from this week...Sunshine pointing to her brother says it all...

Sniffles, spills, and silliness, oh my.  What a week this has been!

Wishing you a wonderful weekend, friends!

let it shine

'Tis a most wonderful time of the year...I just love the Festive Season, beginning today with Advent.  It wasn't always this way, I assure you.  In fact, I went through a phase of self-righteous disdain for anything to do with Christian holidays.  That is, until I became pregnant for the first time.  And then, while I had been dipping my toes into Anthroposophy and Steiner indications a wee bit as a teacher, it really came together for me when I became a mama.  Isn't that just so for many, many parents...our children inexplicably change the course of our belief systems all with one effortless in-breath. 

Needless to say, our family's traditions have grown and merged, embracing the beauty of the Waldorf festivals.  My children  are now able to remember special moments from Christmas' past, and it is so very endearing to hear questions about when these moments will occur.

This afternoon, as the light was beginning to fade, it was our intention to gather with some other homeschooling families to celebrate Advent with a candle-lit spiral.  Unfortunately, my friend who I was planning the event with had fevering children, so we cancelled.  My children were ok with the change of plans ~ thank goodness! However, after dinner, Forrest took it upon himself to declare that the Advent spiral would be happening momentarily!?!  Within a few minutes, cedar boughs were brought in, log rounds were uprighted, and candles stuck in apples.  After singing a few songs, I strummed on the kinder-harp while each of my children walked the spiral in the darkened room.  With the soft glow of three shining flames, my husband quietly took the three of them upstairs while I tidied up.

What an impromptu, special moment, filled with magic and reverence...even with the end-of-the-day clutter pushed off to the sides and a sink full of dinner dishes.  A humbling reminder that these little ones don't need pageantry and excessive details to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary...they do that all by themselves, every single day.

May you find your own spark within and let it shine for all the world to behold! 

a few special moments

Friends, I am having trouble with our computer lately...certain keys aren't working, and I can't seem to leave comments on blogger or blogspot ~ so frustrating as I type it all in and when I press enter, they erase.  So forgive me, I do believe my computer is fritzing out!

The past few weeks have been so very full of so very much.  Here is a little taste...

 
My littlest boy has become a confident climber and everything is fair game to him.  I now find him here, there, and everywhere!  He is so pleased with himself to figure out how to get into the treehouse (which means that there is no longer a mama whistling away in the adjacent garden, but rather hovering beside said treehouse ~ a lot)!

 
Suddenly, it seems they are all growing up by enormous leaps!  Forrest learned how to handle a knife today, for the first time.  He is peeling railings with his papa for his bedroom loft.  I was quite uneasy about this whole affair, but I knew I had to leave it to the two of them to work out the safety of it all.  I often find it challenging to let go and trust both my child and his papa to handle such seemingly dangerous tasks.  But I also know in my heart that the confidence these tasks instill in my boy is immeasurable.  Needless to say, I spent much of this activity indoors.

 

Forrest suddenly wants to be doing chores just like papa.  He offers to go out (in all types of weather) to fill up our woodbox.  I'm not sure who's more pleased, this boy or his parents.

 
Sunshine is happy that scarf weather has arrived!

 
And with the cooler weather, outdoor tomato plants were harvested...as well as some early apples.  Our climbing boy doesn't seem to know, or care about, the difference betweent the two.  I'm really behind on cleaning up our gardens...this Thanksgiving weekend will be spent largely outside, putting beds to bed.

 
A big game around here right now is "dentist".  Just before visiting our dentist this year, I played with the children to model what happens in the dentist chair, all the while trying not to show my own fears!  Well, the visit went off without a hitch, and not only did Miss Sunshine try out the reclining chair, she had her teeth cleaned, too.  I was so impressed!  Unfortunately for Forrest, he has to go back four (!) more times which surprised us as his teeth are so beautiful looking.  Ahh, but it is all that lurks between the teeth, so we've learned!

 
Huckley and his ukelele.  He likes to sing along, too.

 
In the mail this week, I was overwhelmed by the generosity of a super crafty mama, Melissa, at Wild Faerie Caps.  She is such a kind spirit, sending each of my children one of these knit and crocheted figures that she sells in her etsy shop.  The beautiful rainbow bird arrived a few months ago and hangs from our homeschool hutch.  Honestly, they are adorable and the children are so delighted by them!  Please check out Melissa's blog and her shop...there are some wonderful things happening there!

 
Here is Forrest with his latest obsession, archery.  Oh, is he ever determined!  The first bow was used for a few days, with the arrows merely dropping at his feet.  This new bow shoots sticks up to fifteen feet away!  Little does he know but a homemade bow and arrow is being made for his birthday in a few weeks.

it's out

There are those moments in my childhood that stand out so ridiculously vividly that I can remember details ~ like what I was wearing or what season we were in or what my mom was cooking that day.  All of 30+ years ago...I wonder if it will be the same for my children.  What will those accessories to their memories be?  What will the feeling be surrounding those cherished memories?

Last week, my oldest child lost his first tooth.  It really wasn't unexpected as it was wiggly for a few weeks, but nontheless, it was pretty monumental in our household.  I must say, this mama shed a few tears when it happened!  My little boy is outgrowing his baby's body...his milk teeth no longer fit him!

 
My almost-six year old was using his tongue to play with it when I turned to put the just-finished tooth fairy pillow on our hutch.  With my back turned, Forrest stated in a very calm, anti-climactic voice, "It's out."  Forrest rarely speaks in a calm, mellow voice.  After the above photo was taken, he told me he thought he might throw up.

 
So what to do about the tooth fairy?  I hadn't really prepared for this moment, other than stashing this sweet little poem from the internet that I found years ago.  (And I apologize profusely if this is your poem...at the time I didn't think of writing down the source).

Calling All Tooth Fairies

This night it is a special night

As fairies dance upon the roof.

All the fairies must alight,

For ------------ just lost a tooth!

The fairy Queen gives her commands ~

Twelve bright fairies must join hands

Then together in a circle stand

To guard ------------- while he sleeps.

Forrest was all too excited about the impending tooth fairy visit.  His best little buddy had lost his first tooth during a playdate and was terrified of the tooth fairy.  He insisted on leaving his tooth on the kitchen table downstairs!  Not Forrest.  He buried his so deeply under his pillow in the hopes he might awaken during the visit.  Gratefully, he slept on.

 
In the morning, he hurried in to tell us the tooth fairy had left him a little money, a special note, and a pearly white marble.  The note explained that she had taken his beautiful tooth up into the heavens to hang up there with all the other stars.  In exchange, she left him a little twinkling star pearl.  She also added that she believed she might be visiting him again soon.   He loved this!  That night he pointed out a very bright twinkling star that he told me was his tooth.  Ahhh, the magic of childhood!

It was such a build-up for him, wiggling and dangling about his mouth for a few weeks, and I do believe he won't soon forget.  The tooth fairy certainly won't!

Does anyone have any ideas what a mama can do with these little teeth I will be collecting over the years?  What are your traditions with the tooth fairy?

reading the signs

My littlest one is just 14 months old.  He walks ~ no, runs ~ and climbs and loves to snuggle.  He also tells me things that he is thinking, that he wants, and how he is feeling.  It is not guesswork on my part, he literally is telling me all sorts of things...and who knew a non-verbal toddler had so much to say.

Well, he isn't exactly non-verbal.  He has a terrific grunt that he uses in various pitches for nearly everything.  He says "Boooooop" for nursing, "Mama", and "Pap".  When he was ten months old, he could say the dog's name...every five minutes!  Then he began walking and words took a backseat to simply experiencing wonder.

Huckley is my third baby and like his brother and sister before him, he uses baby signs.  Each of them began at different times...Forrest was using signs a lot at thirteen months, while Sunshine was very chatty with them at ten months old. 

 
"dog"...We see a lot of this one!

Huckley is more casual about it, and that's just fine.  We are pretty laid back about the whole thing...if we remember to make the gesture when we say the word, then he learns that he can use that gesture too.  Both Forrest and Sunshine are the real teachers here, and they are the ones helping Huckley learn to communicate.

 
"hungry"

I never really sought out to do this baby signing.  It kind of just evolved from the universal baby gestures of waving goodbye and pointing.  When I browsed through the book "Baby Signs ~ How to Talk with your Baby Before Your Baby Can Talk", I saw how helpful signing could be for both the child and the parent.  All mamas know how upset their babies can get, usually due to frustrations.  With signing, those frustrations are hugely reduced, if not eliminated.

 
"all gone"...he is waving his hands back and forth.  He really likes to use this with food or with toys.

Huckley has a fairly good signing vocabulary : he names objects (dog, book, poopy diaper), he expresses needs (thirsty, hungry), he describes things (more, a little bit, all gone, listen, where is it?), and several more.  Sometimes, he'll wake up from a nap and immediately and repeatedly make the sign for dog (panting with his tongue sticking out) and won't be settled until we go find the dogs.  Did he dream about his dogs?  Does he miss his dogs?  I'm not sure about the details, but it was easy to go find the dogs and reassure him.

 
"dog", again!  This is his favourite sign, as well as "more" (food, books, fun)

I especially like it when Huckley uses the signs like "Where is it?".  He is asking me a question and together we can find what he is looking for.  Sometimes, he is playing a game with me and hides the ball behind his back and signs "Where is it?"  Then he erupts into hilarious laughter.

 
"listen" or "do you hear that?"...usually it's because we hear the horses or the dogs barking

When I first saw this book I was so sceptical, thinking it was like teaching a dog a trick.  But truly, it amazes me how much my baby can tell me and only from simply repeating gestures when using certain words.  For each of my three children, it was really quite simple.  Soon enough, Huckley may begin to put two or three signs together...or even substitute a word for a sign. 

 
"thirsty"...although, this is a funny version as he usually strokes his throat up and down

I'm also not worried tha"t my baby will fail to learn language because he is so effectively using signs. My older two children are so articulate, despite Sunshine not wanting to speak until Huckley was born.  (And then within six weeks of uttering her first words, she was speaking in sentences).  Perhaps the best part about baby signs is that Huckley is more actively expressing himself, letting us glimpse the person within.  And that little soul who is emerging and colouring our lives with his vibrancy is one amazing person indeed!

I'd love to hear if anyone else has used baby signs?  What are some of the more unique signs your baby used? 

a few special moments

This week has been so very full of so very much...harvesting and canning, preparing and beginning homegrown schooling, celebrating anniversaries and regular everyday life.  Being so busy like this, I feel so grateful for the freedom to live how we choose, where we choose.  Being so busy like this, I feel so grateful for my family, and the journey we are making.  It feels Good!

 
Our neighbour came by one morning with his great big machine to re-route our driveway.  We wanted more privacy and a better location for our woodshed.  Now we have that...(and a great big dust-storm anytime someone comes down the driveway).  The children were fascinated by the machinery and the dust, of course!

 
Josh and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary our usual way...dinner out to the restaurant we went to on our very first date nearly eight years ago.  First, Forrest insisted on a family bike ride on a trail right in front of the restaurant...and I'm so grateful for his idea.  We had a great time ~ our first dinner out to a restaurant since Sunshine was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes eight months ago.  A little chaotic, but worthwhile!

 
After dinner, the children made snow, er, grass angels.  They were so happy and giddy, racing around giggling with me.  Good times!

 
I love this photo because it is the first time all three of my children are together at the table drawing.  Huckley really just plays about with his crayon, but he insists on being there.  This one sure has a strong will, I'd say!  It has been a big struggle this week of keeping him from walking on top of the table.

 
As you can see, Huckley loves to climb.  LOVES to climb.  Any chance he gets, he races over to the next available chair or box or stuffie (!) to get atop the next level.  He has managed to move furniture that I thought I needed help moving.  Fearless...so far.  Experience might teach him otherwise.  Oh, and yes, there are hands just outside the picture frame ~ just in case!

 
In this moment, he has transformed into Flickering Fire.  Then, in the next he was Mr. Sun followed soon after by a fire dancer.  His imagination soars and it is all I can do to stand back and watch...mesmerized.

 
My peek-hole into their world ~ my kitchen sink.  Late summer morning snacks, basking in the golden sunshine.  These moments when they are good friends, sharing and loving each other...I feel so full of gratitude.

Happy weekending to you all...may it be filled with gratitude and sunshine!

the gift of them

For my birthday last week, there were two things I really really wanted.  The first was handmade cards by my little ones.  With a few lines they dictated to my husband, these are treasures to be stored away as priceless keepsakes.

The other gift was more interactive.  I simply wanted a date with each of my children, alone.  A date for them to choose what we would do together...just mama and child. 

Huckley and I shared some time alone at home, then off to the local bookstore to pick up this book. 
 
 
 
What you don't see are the stacks and stacks of block towers we built, the flowers we picked, and the snuggles we shared.

Sunshine wanted to go berry picking.  Our strawberries are June-bearers so this you-pick down the road from us with Ever-bearers was such a treat!

 
 
 
What you don't see are the two of us holding hands as we walk down the rows together.  Or that afterwards, we took berry surprises to her brothers at the beach.  Or that she told me that the car smelled beautiful, like jam.

Forrest wanted to go for a bike ride with me along the old railway trail that is now for hikers and bikers.  There may have been frequent reststops, but his trademark cheerfulness was shining brightly.  I love that he spends many minutes gathering his "outfit" for our bike ride.

 
 
 
What you don't see is Forrest asking if I could see his dust cloud kicking up behind him.  Or that we went to the local cafe and shared a piece fo blueberry pie while listening to live music...at 10 am.  Or that he is already planning his next date with me (that involves jumps and padding and catching air)!

I cherish these moments with my little loves.  To step out of our regular routine and find joy in being together, however simple the activity.  I hope they remember these dates when they are older, when they have begun the journey that will be their lives, on the paths that I may not always be invited to walk along.  I hope they remember the love and beauty we shared, even for just a blink of an eye in the dawn of their childhood on my birthday.  For me, these moments are unforgettable.  For me, my birthday is complete.

home-grown schooling

Everyone has their own reasons for parenting the way they do.  Who can decide what is best for another's child?  All I know is that we are about to begin our homeschool journey with my oldest child ~ with excitement, with enthusiasm...and with a smidgen of trepidation.

 
There was no clear, defining moment to deciding to homeschool our children.  No lights blinked brighter, no chorus of angels sang sweetly in the background.  Rather, it was a gradual knowledge that, of course, this is what will work best for us.  It kind of seems to flow rather naturally with our simple, home-grown lifestyle.  Educating our own children is just another piece of the sustainable-minded puzzle that we are peicing together as our life.

 
So, here we are with just a few weeks to go before we begin.  I've bought a curriculum, I've read countless books, I've grilled seasoned homeschooling parents (and children), I've read the Brother's Grimm fairytales...all of them, I've crafted everything from puppets to crayon holders to library bags!  I'm even a certified teacher.  You might say I'm ready.

 
But it's so much more than that.  It's the atmosphere of our home, it's the knowledge of when to sit back and let wonder take control, it's the humble recognition that I can only do so much.  Am I really ready?

 
I think so.  Besides, the biggest reason we are choosing to homeschool, is frankly, I'm so darned loving every minute with these three little ones, I couldn't imagine not having them around all day long!  It won't be long before they are taller than me and busy making plans with friends.  For now, I'll take all I can get.

What are your ideas and reasons for homeschooling? 

a few special moments

This past week has been a quiet one.  Looking through my photos of the week just now, I realized that most of them are of Huckley.  Right now, he is at that stage...all night, he is a nursing machine, sucking greedily, hungrily, almost like he can't get enough.  I am helpless to find sleep during these loooonnnnggg stretches, as he is so, ahem, enthusiastic with the task at hand. 

During the day, he has become quite demonstrative ~ big hugs with his head down on my shoulder, constantly wanting to be in arms, using some baby signs to tell me what he wants (usually food or water or nursing)!  He also gets very upset if I leave the house to do some berry picking.  I know these are classic attachment issues going on as he is really physically independent now, moving with ease on his sturdy little legs.  He follows his brother and sister around, shadowing their play, often getting underfoot.  Sometimes, it is my heart hurts to watch him navigate his world, which is our family.  We have been practicing a lot of patience and kindness this week.  I do believe the stresses of the last while are manifesting in some mis-behaviour in all of us!  Anyhow, my favourite moments from this past week...

 
Despite the comfortable size of our home, these two prefer to sit on top of each other to read.  Huckley is so interested in doing what his siblings are doing, and thankfully, my children are all booklovers.  Indeed, there are moments this week when there was harmony between the little folk!

 
Sir Huckley the Knight!  He dove right into the dress-ups and resurfaced like this!

 
Our first blueberries of the season.  Three years ago, I planted 11 high bushes and this year will be the first "real" harvest.  So exciting!  I think I might squeeze four or five more bushes into the patch this fall.

 
Beach days up at the lake.  All three of my children doing three decidedly different things...ahhh, this is a study in personalities!  (I must also confess that I took off hats for a few minutes because I overly dress my children for outdoor play.  We are all so fair and burn so easily.  I really hope to avoid the serious sunburns I regularly acquired throughout my childhood. But I took the hats off so I could see some expressions while they played.  As soon as the camera turned off, the hats were on again  :)

 
 This afternoon, I was tidying up my bedroom, quietly putting clothes away.  From behind me, I heard little grunts and noises of exertion, when I turned around, Huckley was sitting triumphantly in my rocking chair, smiling broadly.  My, he is growing up!  In fact, I'm off to go snuggle him close, breathe in his fresh scent, and memorize these precious moments that are passing by.

I wish each of you a wonderful weekend, savouring those people that make your life beautiful.

sunshine's pink birthday

My sweet Sunshine turned three on Friday and we sort of extended her day over the weekend.  (This may be unbearably boring to those of you who visit regularly as we just celebrated little Huckley's first birthday here, and it may be redundant!)  However, these are moments not to be missed!

Sunshine awoke to walk her rainbow bridge around the sun...three times!  She was truly accompanied by rainbow fairies or her guardian angel...do you see?!

 
After a breakfast of her choice (strawberry pancakes and bacon), we loaded up the car and went back to the beach where we celebrated Huckley's birthday a few days earlier.  What a difference three days makes...it was so cold on the beach with the sun playing hide and go seek with thunderclouds, and rain sprinkling down. 

 
We had such fun!  Everyone was in good spirits...the weather couldn't dampen our celebratory mood!  Perhaps because this is what we are surrounded by...

 
After a campfire and a walk along the rushing creek, we went home to share dinner with my dearest friend and her family. 

The next morning, Sunshine and I made an angel food cake.  She loves to bake, just like her mama, and so she continued to fill the "cupcake" tins with the leftover egg yolks.

 
Sunshine has had her insulin pump now for a month.  My hope was to be able to make the pink cake she was dreaming about for the last 11 months.  With careful carb counting, weighing, and a hefty insulin bolus (injection via her pump), my sweet three year old had cake on her birthday!  This is a milestone, indeed!

 
What you don't see, is that this was a really hard day for Sunshine.  We had three little friends over to share in her day, as we invite the same amount of children as the age they are turning to keep it from being too overwhelming.  It works great for Forrest who is super gregarious and the life of any party.  But Miss Sunshine has diabetes which gives her a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality.  When her blood glucose is too high or too low, she feels miserable and it shows.  We are still trying to get her more regulated with her new pump, but it is taking sooooooo long.  On Saturday morning, I could tell her party may not go too well.  I was very stressed out worrying about my girl, seeing her being cranky with her dear friends, wondering if I'll ever have a daughter with a constant mood for more than five minutes.  I considered cancelling the whole thing, but she would have been so disappointed.  I learned, the hard way, that she needs a very calm, quiet way to celebrate.  She doesn't like to be the center of attention on a good day...let alone, when she is feeling crummy.  My poor girl...it will get easier...I hope!

Of course, after her cake, the children braved the mosquitoes and went out into the yard and Sunshine was really happy and playful by then.  Once all the children had left, we had a family dance party at the request of Sunshine and Forrest, and that always brings out the smiles!

 
(By the way, Josh is in definite pose mode)!

My daughter's birthday weekend was very full...and for the most part, it was a lovely time for all of us.  I really believe she'll look back and be happy with her Pink Birthday when she turned three.

three is a magic number

My dear little girl turns three today.  Three.  Ohhhh, the magic of three is so potent, so exhilirating, so wonderful...just ask Miss Sunshine and she'll let you know!  Three!  In one big, joyful exclamation!  Three is as big as Pink!  That means something around here.

 
So does Sunshine.  When she arrived into this world, and I discovered she was a she, I was delighted.  Something inside me sighed, and then soared...with dreams and ideas and grateful, joyful thoughts of our future.  A daughter.  My daughter. 

 
And in these past three years, as her spirit unfolds, I am even more delighted.  For what mama wouldn't love to have her girl...

~ tell her every day "I want you forever, Mama"

~ right beside her in the garden...digging and planting and tending, with all the fervor a little one brings to such tasks 

~ helping her in the kitchen baking bread, making pancakes, chopping veggies...every single meal?

~ exclaiming how boo-tea-ful that pink t-shirt looks...every time it is worn?

~ who calls her father Papa-Lapa-Ding-Dong?

~ who slips her hand underneath Mama's back to fall asleep every night of her life?

~ who always, always responds to mama's "I love you, Sunshine" with a quiet, "thank you, Mama"?

 
Well, I know I love all those things, and so much more.  As Sunshine turns three, I feel so blessed to have her in my life.  This past year has been a really tough journey for our whole family. It would not be truthful to say it's been a harmonious year.  My precious little girl has endured more than I would wish on anyone.  This life she chose is not an easy one.  But her fiercely determined spirit is a blessing for her.  She is the most courageous and resilient person I have ever known.

 
She is my super-hero.

 
After nearly losing Sunshine, this birthday is all the more special.  There have been moments that I wondered if she would see this day. 

 
 And once again, her resilience shines through those dark moments.  She is bright and Light and strong and brave.  She is Sunshine for my soul.  I love every bit of her and feel nourished by her presence.

 
Thank you Sunshine.  Three is indeed a magic number and I am excited to see what the year ahead shall bring for you, my love!  Happy, joyful, love-filled birthday!

at the end of the day

My little Huckley had a wonderful birthday...thank you for all your warm wishes.  He is a lucky boy, and I am a lucky mama with beautiful friends!

We kept his first birthday quite simple, really.  Huckley was the last to wake up this morning, and as the sun streamed in the windows, and with a little coaxing, he walked over the rainbow bridge to circle one time round the sun.

 
We made most of his gifts, including some made by Forrest and Sunshine (to be posted later), but he also got a store bought book and this little wooden car.  Huckley seemed overjoyed with his new ride!

 
After breakfast, we headed out to the beach!

 
We drove up our valley quite a bit to find a beach that wasn't under water!  We found a beautiful spot and while it had a rocky shoreline, Huckley was so content to be immersed in the water.  Of course, when there were snacks, he was all over that, too!

 
Can you see the little boy emerging from the baby?  If only I could bottle up these moments to bring out later in life!

We came home for dinner and looked at the photos of his beautiful, swift entry into this world...just on the other side of the couch!  Well, that led into photos of Sunshine's birth, too, befor I realized I hadn't made a dessert!  That was ok with these three little ones as yogurt with cherries and watermelon is such a treat.  And my picky little eater gobbled it all up faster than he's ever eaten anything before!

 
Friends, this has been a wonderful day for my baby boy!  The simplicity of it all was so lovely and meaningful...from the handmade gifts to the beach play to the dessert. 

 
At the end of the day, what is most memorable is our family being together and honouring Huckley.  I give thanks for these treasured moments and the chance to love these four other people with all my heart!

for my sweet baby boy

Why are you growin' up so fast

    My boy?

Oh, you'd better take your time.

Why are you growin' up so fast

  My son?

You'd better take your time.

~ Neil Young, "My Boy"

 
 
 
My son, you are a joy beyond description, a love so divine, a blessing so profound...I adore you!

 
How is it that...

~ you have made your first circle round the sun?  

~ you have grown from my wee little eight pound baby into my twenty-four pound toddler?  

~ you have words you articulate, gestures you use to tell me what you are thinking or wanting?  

~ you are walking about with the bigger children, playing with them in their forts, following them up the stairs to play in their rooms?  

~ you have managed to charm every single person you've met without uttering a sound?  

~ you've been able to light up my life, bringing me such simple joy on those days that require such strength and endurance to get through?  

~ And especially, how is it that I may have felt complete or fully at peace before you arrived one year ago today?

 

Thank you for choosing this life.  Thank you for making mine complete.  I love you!

 
Happy first birthday, my love.  May the year ahead shine brightly with promises of love and laughter, health and happiness. 

 
You are so very loved!

a few special moments

This week, in our home...

 
These two brothers enjoy sloppy, mucky wetness as much as the other.

 
In fact, this one doesn't even seem to be aware of anything but the sheer joy of experiencing water.

 
There has been so much rain this spring and summer (so far!) that there is no beach to go to!  Even the parking lot at the beach is under water.  And with all this rain, the drone of the mosquitoes is getting louder and louder, until we will be found mostly indoors until the middle of August.

 
Forrest is so eager to learn to read!  Miss Sunshine loves it when he "reads" to her.

 
Little Huckley is thrilled to be busting out some nice moves!  All.  The.  Time.

 
Forrest has spent a few moments here and there making birthday gifts for his brother and sister.

 
And this past weekend, my littlest baby is now a toddler!  With great determination and clenched toes, Huckley is up and moving on two feet.  He is in between crawling and full-blown walking, and I am torn between the excitement I feel for him and the bittersweet longing to hold on to this last baby of mine.  Ahhh, mothering seems like a constant process of letting go to embrace the next phase.

May your weekend be filled with sunny skies and happy hearts!

pink elephant ~ june 2011 ~ faith

Our family's "white elephant in the room" is really pink.  Our 2 year old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in January 2011 and it has changed our lives forever.  Every month, I post a little update on how we are coping with her condition.

For those who know me well, it comes as quite a shock that I have this little space in blogland.  Not because of the content or the creativity I'm trying to cultivate for myself...no, that part most of my close friends and family understand quite well.  However, the whole technological aspect of it is the surprise.  I am a certified luddite.  Correction, I was a certified luddite.  I am becoming fairly comfortable with the simple parts of the computer, but I still am uneasy with anything that is not straightforward.

So it is even more of a shock that our little two year old is now reliant on a mini computer to stay alive.

 
The long-awaited pump arrives, pink of course!

This little machine acts like a human pancreas, sending Sunshine insulin throughout the day.  Rather than two daily insulin injections (which would have soon become ten!), we insert a tube connected to the pump into her, changing the site once every two to three days.

Once the pump arrived, both Josh and I had to wade through a telephone-sized manual that seemed endless.  After a few more smaller pamphlets, we each had to do "pump school" online which took a few hours.  Only then could we meet with the trainer in person who led us through 3 sessions before Sunshine was hooked up.

 
 Sunshine practising, just before getting the pump attached.  Do you see her "list of groceries" she was making while we talked to the nurses?  My heart was heavy when I saw how controlled and precise her "lists" seemed to be. 

The pump will allow us to have greater blood glucose (BG) control for Sunshine.  When she is high, her longterm health suffers (kidney damage, eye damage, nerve damage, etc) and when she is too low, she is at risk of brain damage or seizures or worse.  Because the government in our province subsidizes pumps for children under 18 years old, it seemed like we had no choice but to get her on a pump...and the sooner the better.  With a person so young, her BG's were all over the place - daily!  With diabetes, there is never a "magic" number for a BG, but rather, just trying to keep it in a safe range.  That goes for those of us with functioning pancreas' too - it is constantly shifting depending on food, stress levels, time of day, growth spurts, etc. 

 
Just a few hours after her first infusion set-up, and she is very careful.  It hurt a lot as it is a metal syringe beneath her skin and if she bends over suddenly, it jabs her.  I'm hoping we can fix this soon!

Despite knowing that the pump was what we had to do for Sunshine, I still was emotionally reluctant.  We anticipated Pump Day for over two weeks before it arrived, coincidentally on Josh's birthday.  And this was near agony for me.  I tend to get worked up in advance of something like this...dentist visits, giving my own blood, any sort of confrontation.  So this was so very very difficult.  Now many people would think I'd be excited at technology and how far it has come, and I agree, reluctantly.  But mostly, I was savouring my little girl's perfect body...her belly skin that is still baby soft and will soon have scar tissue dimpling it all over.  Every night, as I helped her to sleep, I was giving her belly rubs and back rubs, crying into my pillow that she has to suffer through another traumatic event...and she is just TWO years old!  How does a mama cope with that?!

 
How does a two year old cope with that?  We'll see, I suppose.  When it was inserted at the hospital on Monday, I had to hold her down while Josh put it in.  I'm not sure who cried harder, but I do know she was the one running around ten minutes later, giggling and dancing.  Resilience, right? 

 
Sunshine practising climbing mountains.

For me, it's all about faith.  Faith in technology ~ which does not come easily for me.  Faith in a medical system ~ which I haven't entirely embraced.  Faith in certain medical individuals ~ who have repeatedly let us down. 

Faith that a cure will indeed be found.  Faith that my daughter will live a beautiful, creative, happy, long life.  Faith that this is the very best we can do for her.  Faith that everything will be all right.  Faith.

 
Parenting truly is a leap of faith in so many ways. 

Sunshine, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for teaching me so very much about faith in the human spirit!