a little crafty nest

moments from the week

This week, I am happy to remember...
~ water play in the Big Garden with Tonka trucks, allowing me to work on the tedious task of digging out some couch grass and creating some more growing space

~ how quickly and thoroughly mud play consumes clean clothing

~ a surprise visit from someone we wish we'd see more often, bearing gifts of bubbles and books

~ the beginning of dandelion bouquets

~ Forrest's first herbal class with other little ones his age...and the excitement over being allowed by the herbalist to needle felt a nettle gnome to protect his nettle vinegar

~ the relief that I wasn't there to witness the needle felting

~our little village's annual Water Unity Festival...always fun to see the colourful locals celebrating Water and Life with parades, children's activities, a samba band, dancing, and poetry

~ how my children decided, on their own, to dress up for the parade...and pose their brother beneath a tree for me to photograph

~ the intrigue that a sample of river water and all its critters could hold for these three littles

~ overhearing the conversations my six year old is having on the phone with his friend from across the river...such giggling and silliness...for over half an hour!

~ how much I love our two four-legged companions, Cocoa and Nyla...such happiness they bring with their sloppy, wet-nosed, in-your-face, relentless, faithful love

~ how simple life can be

moments from the week

Stormy spring weather continues, allowing the garden to drink up fresh rain, turning everything into a vision of emerald abundance...I will never tire of the vibrant shades of spring greens, tinged with yellows...proof that miracles happen in the ordinariness of today.

My friend, Melanie, made a post about an ordinary day, which made me instantly think of something I read recently.  Many of you may know about Taproot magazine, brought to you by the multi-crafty-talented Soulemama and friends.  Well, my favourite essay in the whole lot was written by her husband (what a team!) and he wrote, "...somehow great things occur under that false cloak of monotony."  These words have stayed with me, whispering in my ear, reminding me to accept and even embrace this very moment ~ no matter how mundane it may seem.

When I look back through the camera card that records our week's everyday moments, they seem more than ordinary.  They do, in fact, seem extra-ordinary.  I feel blessed for these miracles that are occurring right before my very eyes. 

See my helpers, eager to do the simple tasks of our household...

a blurry photo of a determined Huckley bringing in the kindling

Forrest wanted to help me pick the first nettles of the season...well-protected

pancake morning...Sunshine mixes the wet ingredients til they are good and frothy

while Huckley is in charge of the dry ingredients, focused on keeping it all in the mixing bowl

After the more serious tasks of the household, comes the real work of childhood, imaginative play.

Josh brought these two rootballs home from the bush, on two separate excursions, this spring.  Sunshine is sitting in the fairy castle, with the knight's armament beside her against the woodshed.  There are already grand plans for the adventures of all the gnomes and fairies.

Indoors, the four season's playmat ignites their imagination.  A friend from maplerose made this beautiful work of art which is a real treasure.

Many a spring day you may find us beside our creek, throwing rocks, poking at the mud, playing with snails and toads, or just swinging.  On days like this, I sit quietly beside the littles, drinking in the spring goodness.

This last photo is a tender one for me, as it signifies the first time I really had to put solid boundaries down regarding nursing with Huckley.  He is 22 months old and still nurses on demand, around the clock.  I am happy with this arrangement, too, as he truly is the best night-time snuggler.  However, for awhile he has begun nursing in earnest at night, leaving me exhausted and sore.  After a few sleepless nights, I realized he wasn't eating as much for dinner, making him hungrier than usual during the night.  So, I have decided to be firm and consistent about eating first, nursing second.  Well, after nap on this day, it wasn't going to fly very easily and Huckley's determined streak came out.  Let's just say it was a long, tear-filled half hour...for both of us.  Forrest and Sunshine encouraged me to just nurse him, but I explained that he needed to know I wasn't going to give in on this one.  I held Huckley, I told him I loved him countless times, I acknowledged this was a hard thing for him to understand, but that it was important.  I told Forrest and Sunshine how I night-weaned each of them at about the same age and it was difficult, but necessary to the health of our household.  I'm not sure they believed me, but when Huckley finally understood he just had to take one bite before he could nurse, the tears dried and my sunny boy re-emerged.  Mama was forgiven.  Hours later, I'm still taking the Rescue Remedy for that one, but experience has shown me that this is just another of the many trials of motherhood.

Indeed, these mundane and everyday moments are what we make of them.  For me, they form the memories of my little one's childhood.

And they remind me, in a beautifully humbling way, of the wonderful company I keep.

earth day adventuring

I am not a water person.  At.  All.  But there is something about canoeing that moves my soul. 

This weekend, on Earth Day, we loaded up the three littles into our inherited canoe and pushed off from the shore to paddle upstream.  It was a glorious adventure.

We put in our canoe at our favourite spot that we walk to regularly, just a ten minute stroll from home.  What a different perspective you get, though, looking at the same mountains, the same homesteads, the same horizons from the water than looking at them from land.  A whole new world opens up...

We saw all sorts of wildlife, including:

~a red tailed hawk, an osprey, a flicker, a few merganzers, Barrow's golden eye ducks, Canadian geese, swallows, ravens, crows, and one painted turtle sunning on a beaver lodge.

At this time of year, the current is still fairly mellow and we easily paddled upstream only to drift slowly back down, hugging the shoreline.  We decided we wanted to do the same paddle once a month to see how the river changes every few weeks.

It is a balancing act, managing five people in a small canoe.  Everyone has to sit in a certain spot, there can be no careless movements, everything affects the stability of the boat, and we must all work together to maintain a happy, pleasant equilibrium.  A fine parallel to managing a family, I think.

No, I am not a water person ~ despite having all three children who are Water signs (Karma is funny that way!).  But, I grew up spending many summers on canoe trips, one even lasting an epic 6 weeks!  There is something so peaceful, so timeless about canoeing quietly about, listening to the world around us.  It was a wonderful adventure that I hope will inspire many more such paddles.

Yes, the canoe is out from storage now, and waiting for the next trip up the river.

moments from the week

While the sun was playing peek-a-boo with the clouds for most of the week, we found ourselves outdoors for longer and longer stretches.  There is so much to do right now...aside from gardening chores which are delightfully endless (yes, I really think so!), there were also ziplines to be attempted from scratch...

And boats to make and float at a homeschool nature group...

There is always a little one beckoning mama to follow him about...

And a girl by my side, reaching for my hand.

We were so lucky this week to have papa around a few more days than we thought...so we jumped right into some projects on our little piece of land that we have been meaning to do for a few years now.  It was wonderful to get to it, but mostly, it was wonderful to be outside together ~ digging in the soil, hauling rocks, raking rocks, sorting rocks (do you see a pattern here?), clearing brush, having several bonfires, creating garden spaces, making dams, and swinging about on our new swing.  We were all so very busy and immersed in activities, but there was such a sense of family and connection happening...bliss!  Even Forrest, who likes to share his heart's thoughts, remarked, "I really like this.  I really like being out here and doing this with everyone."  Indeed, me too.

I noticed that this week I have several photos of togetherness, something that seems rather rare...

And my favourite, (and not just because the littles are sitting on my new compost bins)...

Mind you, it wasn't all perfectly smooth and lovely, but I do hope my children will remember that this week, we were all five together a lot, and we shared a wonderful time making our land more into our home.  I am so grateful to all of them!

May you all a wonderful weekend!  Happy Earth Day on Sunday!!!

moments from the week

While last week was filled with flowing rhythm, this week was anything but!  I felt so challenged...by living with diabetes, by my children's energy levels, by my distinct lack of patience...Ahhh, it's been a tough one and of course, late at night lying in bed, I go over the countless ways I could have handled things better.  I know you know what I mean.  I really needed just ten minutes to myself to gather, to center, to regroup.  Josh is away on long long days, we don't see him at all until bedtime, and I have really felt the burn-out this week. 

I must add, though, that this is exactly where I want to be...at home, with my family.  I just struggle sometimes understanding how in the heck a western world's nuclear family is suposed to thrive, let alone survive?!

So this week, I have been experimenting with different ways to gain a few moments to myself amidst the bustle of living with three small people, with only myself to lean on.  It's a balancing act, this motherhood gig, I tell you!

However, the best way to center myself is to review the week in photos, and to see the happiness that was indeed there, shining right before my very eyes!

These three little ones are my joy!  I plunked the oldest in the snow, and the others gleefully demanded the same.  The snow is soft and heavy ~ Spring Snow.  I'm certain there will be colder days ahead, but the rink is finished and we are onto sledding and snowshoeing.  And yes, these are specatator sports...

We also did our new monthly visit to the library ~ how did I ever manage before the blessed library became a part of our life?  Forrest is so anxious to dive in, he hadn't even undressed completely before he was immersed in his new stash of books.

Youngest boy loves his books, too!  All the older people in the household model to this wee one just how wonderful books are, and he doesn't ever want to miss out on a thing.

I am also trying to incorporate a new quiet rest hour after lunch...again!  I could see how tired the older two were getting from late nights waiting for Papa to come home, yet they are too old to nap.  So I purchased some inexpensive CD players for their bedrooms and while I lay down with Huckley, Forrest and Sunshine sit on their beds, reading, drawing, or making puzzles while listening to a story or soft music on tape.  Right now, James Herriot's collection is a favourite.

I have never "plugged" them into anything before, but it is sitting well for me.  After a short while alone, I went and sat beside Sunshine while she lay quiet, basking in the warm winter sunshine streaming in her window.  It was so lovely to snuggle and cuddle my sweet girl for half an hour, alone.  I think this is going to be a helpful activity to give me some much needed quiet time...and the children, too.

We have also been spending some quiet afternoons by the fire playing these cooperative boardgames.  Do any of you know about these games?  They are really very simple, ranging in skill levels but many games can be played with 3 year olds.  Our favourite right now is Snowstorm and we all work together to clear the roads so we can get our errands down about town.  Good times!

And then, there has been handwork...lots of embroidery and (finger)knitting...a true joy for me to see my own children delight in handwork.

While it was a hard week for mama (and inevitably everyone feels that, right?), I look back and see that there was a lot of goodness, too.  It is so helpful for me to savour these little ordinary moments, at the very least they are a reminder that there certainly is some beauty radiating out of these three sweet souls I am honoured to call my children.  What wonderful teachers they are for me...I am truly blessed!

Have a lovely weekend, friends, filled with beauty, goodness and Light.

pink elephant ~ october 2011 ~ one night at a time

Our family's "white elephant in the room" is really pink.  Our 3 year old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in January 2011 at the age of 2 1/2 years old, and it has changed our lives forever.  Every month, I post a little update on how we are coping with her condition.

Living with diabetes is an adjustment.  There is carb counting, blood glucose monitoring, insulin "therapy", and lots of numbers.  There are mood swings, temper tantrums, unpredictable behaviour, and belligerance.  There are scales, measuring cups, conversion charts, and calculators.  There are band-aids, numbing cream, syringes, and little glass vials.  There are tears, frustrations, fears, and hugging.

Every single day.  Every single hour of every single day.

And then there is night-time.  Dealing with stressful situations on a continual basis, you'd think that a good night's sleep would ready you for the next day of being a pancreas for your beloved child so she can live to see the sun set.  There is no room for making mistakes. 

Did you know that diabetes does not sleep?  Not ever.

To manage Sunshine's diabetes properly, we must monitor her blood sugars throughout the night.  One of us checks on her at 9:30pm, 12:30pm, and 3am.  Every single night, for the rest of her life.  I can't even think about how this will happen when she is living away from us.  But for now, my husband is the one to do this task as I am still night nursing our one year old.  Sunshine sleeps alongside me in a "side-car" bed and I almost always wake up, too, asking what her numbers are.  If they are in range, I usually fall asleep until my baby wakes me up to do his marathon nurse at 5am.  Otherwise, that is sometimes all the sleep I get for the night.

If Sunshine's blood glucose (BG) levels are too high, we "bolus" her with more insulin, as suggested by her insulin pump.  Then we must check her at least every hour to ensure her BG comes down.  It has been suggested to us to actually bypass the pump and bolus her with an injection from a syringe.  We usually don't do this as there is absolutely no way she would sleep through a big poke into her love handle. 

If her BG is too low, it is a medical emergency.  We must quickly rouse her from sleep, sit her up, get her to drink half a juice box, then let her sleep for 15 minutes until we wake her up a second time to follow the juice with a carb and protein snack. After all this, we help her go to the bathroom and brush her teeth. 

Have you ever tried to wake up a toddler or young child from a deep sleep and get them to eat food ~ immediately?  It is not a lot of fun.  She may be agreeable after some cajoling, but usually she refuses, lashes out, and screams.  Before the pump, this was happening about 4 or 5 nights a week.  Since the pump, it happens much less frequently, though as we get her BGs closer to range, it is beginning to happen again.  There have even been many times when her crying wakes up the baby and/or her older brother.  Thank goodness there are two of us to deal with it all.  I'm nervous about the winter months ahead with Josh getting back into his ski guiding work and being away from home most of the time.  I have absolutely no idea how to get through it all. 

One day at a time.

One night at a time.

And when the sun stretches into the room in the morning, every morning, there is my girl, grinning up at me, whispering, "Mama, I love you so much!"  This is my faithful wake up call.  She is my wake up call.  To enjoy every single moment with her, with all three of them. 

One day and one night at a time.

 

 

one thing and another

Friends...

Thank you for your kind thoughts and messages.  It seems this week has been full of one thing and another ~ is there such a thing as Murphy's Law for the whole darned week?  Sighs.  I look forward to returning next Monday, and until then, I feel I need to have some peace and quiet away.  Please know I'm thinking of you, too!

xo ~ Jules

P.S. By the way, we are all healthy :)

world peas

I glanced at a newspaper headline on my way out of our little market the other day, and it saddened me.  In fact, everything on the whole darn page was pretty much depressing, frightening, horrifying, or tragic.  Then I went home.  It was the right day to plant our peas.  After I prepared the beds and Josh built this year's trellis, I spent some time with Forrest then Sunshine and together we planted peas.

 
It was rather peaceful in the garden with a child by my side.  We didn't speak very much as we were each deep in our own thing, together.

 
Thoughts of my children's future were on my mind, after reading those newspaper headlines.  What kind of world will they inherit?  It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in the worry and fear that those headlines generate.  How do I prepare my most precious loves for a world that doesn't seem to make any sense to me?  Oh, yes indeed, it was a good day to plant those peas and get my hands into the earth.  To get grounded again.  Really now, I'll follow my children's lead and try and be more Present.  To be Here Now and be grateful for this moment and the simple task of planting peas.

   
And in a few months, we'll eat those peas, and that's all I need to think about as I watch their tiny hands carefully, lovingly, place a seed in the earth.

Nothing is worth more than this day.

~Goethe

the pink elephant ~ february 2011 ~ everyday ordinary miracles

On January 6, 2011, a big elephant charged into our lives and here she remains, uninvited.  The elephant is Type 1 Diabetes and it surprised us with its arrival, wreaking havoc and mayhem, turning our quiet world upside down. Why is it pink?  Well, not only does our two year old love love love the colour pink, ironically, it was also a code word we used in the hospital for Sunshine's injections or any other invasive procedures.  Off she would be taken to the treatment room on the pediatric floor, which had a big, plastic, pink elephant bed that she would be laid upon (read this as restrained) for procedures.  Yes, unfortunately the pink elephant is here to stay.

 
Sometimes I am unsure if I want to expose the side of my life that isn't so shiny.  The blemishes and bruises that occasionally tarnish the brighter, lighter side of this little crafty nest.  After much consideration, I decided to expose the naked truth of our lives now, forever changed since January 6, 2011.  Occasionally I will open up my heart and soul and share what is happening with regards to Sunshine's diagnosis and condition.  A way to record our new journey, and perhaps, hopefully, to help others understand what Type 1 Diabetes is about.  This space is, afterall, meant to capture and share the everyday moments that make up my family's life.  And since January 6, that now includes this disease.

 
I think that over the past nearly two months, an important thing we've learned about Type 1 Diabetes is that it is very different from Type 2, which is usually relegated to adults with certain dietary and lifestyle habits.  Type 1, or insulin-dependent, diabetes is an auto-immune disease that strikes about 1 in every 400 to 600 children!  There is no known cause or cure.  It wasn't something I did during my pregnancy or while nursing (though I often go back to this one time and time again), and it wasn't because Sunshine ate poorly (she's never even eaten any sugar before!)...it is just plain old bad luck.  They say it might have something to do with genes combined with an environmental trigger.  There are so many theories...

 
Perhaps what has struck me the most, though, is how little is known about Type 1 Diabetes.  I had a vague impression of it, but never gave it much thought.  Since Sunshine's diagnosis, many well-intentioned people have approached us with kind gestures but it is all too clear that hardly anyone knows much about this not-that-uncommon disease.  I have heard countless times, "She'll outgrow the need for insulin, right?", or "Don't you just have to monitor her food?" and my least favourite, "Is everything back to normal now?".   Every one has such good intentions and heartfelt queries, and yet it is so clear that there is much to learn about diabetes.  In my own small way, I hope that I can reach out and educate or inspire just one person, that I can help one mama recognize the signs and symptoms, that I can help spread more information on this terrible, devastating disease that will hopefully, one day, be curable.

Until then, we continue on as a family.  We eat, we sleep, we inject, we monitor, we worry, we pray...

The following is a YouTube clip made by some people we've recently met.  Actually, they live close by and we have overlapping social circles.  It is clear that they are becoming huge inspirations to our family, particularly their adorable five year old girl, Phoebe.  We first saw this video while we were still in the hospital and it made such an impression on me.  Now, this is a bittersweet echo of our new life.  One that promises to be filled with much laughter, happiness, good times, and...the reality of managing Sunshine's diabetes.

 

As a family, we are moved beyond words at the generosity and support of our families, friends and those we have yet to meet!

Many blessings on your everyday, ordinary miracles.

a few things right now...

I had planned to do this post last week around Valentine's Day, but Life happens and here we are...no matter, with all the flurry of continual heart creations, February ought to be Valentine's Month.  Really, now.

 

a few things I'm loving right now...

...feeling the return of the Light, in all its strength and beauty, highlighting the little and the ordinary, elevating them to the realm of the extraordinary

...admiring all the winter crafting made by the littlest people in our household

 
...sharing my love of gardening with my family, and seeing them looking forward to all that we will grow and tend in the coming months

 
...beginning the first chapter book with my biggest boy ~ The House At Pooh Corner ~ and both of us equally excited to continue each night

 
...having 8 legs of scampering playfulness infect our household with giggles and general high energy and craziness  (alas, I don't have any good pictures of the two of them, but you get the idea here)

 
...watching this littlest of my babies figure out how to crawl ~ with success!

 
...embracing the piles of snow we've had this year in our valley floor, allowing snowshoe / ski / no board / sledding / snowfort play every day

 
...seeing smiles of carefree abandon on this girl's face

 
...finally casting on to a project and losing myself in a few moments of simple creating

 
...loving this man who balances me, comforts me, and accepts me despite all my shortcomings, exasperations, and irrationalities. 

 
I love you with all my heart!

heart fever

Flexibility is a hallmark of many of our family's celebrations.  With Josh back in the mountains right now, Valentine's Day is Thursday for us.  But that hasn't slowed down the heart fever that is amping up...

 
A little drawing, a little snipping, a little sewing...good intentions indeed!

 
Oh, and little Huckley's getting a little heart fever, too!

 
Well, maybe he did get a little help creating that!  But this fella just exudes squishy, love-filled goodness!

So we have a few more days of red and pink crafting and baking.  Oh, yes,baking!  I am determined to make some heart-shaped treats for my little people...even if they have to be low-carb for little miss Sunshine.  I'm trying to make life as normal as possible despite the large white elephant that moved into our lives.  Mind you, sometimes this is accomplished with more grace than at other times.

In the meantime, Happy Day of Love to you all!  May you give and receive with open arms and peaceful hearts.

a little rhythm and routine

Three weeks in from Sunshine's diagnosis, we are really just beginning our lifelong journey with juvenile diabetes.  A long, long road lays ahead, but I am so blessed that we are all here together. 

And these are just some of the accessories we received to accompany our journey.

 
While there is so much unknown to us, (truly, so much more is unknown than known), it is a time when rhythm and routine provides a sanctuary of calm.  Being the Virgo I am, incorporating some sense of familiar into our new normal gives me the peace I crave.  Luckily, I have followed this rhythm loosely since Forrest was a wee one.  I have hardly adhered to a strict regime, but it provides a loose framework from which to launch our creativity.  It ensures that the children are trying new things and experimenting with various creative mediums.  Also, it seems the children have a better understanding of the rhythm of the week based on colours that they may identify, rather than names which provide no sense to their world.  Without further ado...

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Oh yes, having a guideline right now helps this mama muddle through the heavier side of life.  I've sometimes wished in the past for a big manual of Life that would tell me how to make some difficult decisions.  Well, that may not exist, but this simple framework assures me that the children are carrying on with the business of having fun and being creative.  And in that creativity, perhaps some healing may happen. 

In small steps, holding each other's hands, we move forward.

surfacing

As many of you know, this is my daughter, my Sunshine girl.

 
What no one knew was that when this picture was taken just two weeks ago, my daughter was sick.  Very sick.  Hard to believe.  It's all been very, very hard...and hard to believe. 

Who knew that a few soggy diapers and bed-wetting, that an almost unquenchable thirst all the day long, that a nearly insatiable hunger, and that a cranky, irritable toddler was presenting classic symptoms of dis-ease.  And this disease has no cure.  This disease has no prevention.  This disease is frightening and life-threatening.  This disease is Type I Diabetes, also known as Juvenile Diabetes. 

On a random trip to town, 45 minutes away, I had a nagging suspicion something just wasn't right with Sunshine.  And with Josh heading into the mountains for work, only home every now and then, I thought we'd tag along and see a doctor.  As Luck had it, our doctor was away and so I thought a quick trip to the hospital emergency would show that I was being over-anxious.  In the emergency room, Sunshine rapidly went downhill.  In less than two hours, I was holding her on my lap as the ambulance took us to a larger, regional hospital an hour and a half away.  My husband and the boys followed in our car, which was so difficult because it was the first time I had been separated from my 6 month old baby, Huckley.

Sunshine was in ICU for two and a half days.  She crashed that first night but the nurses did such a good job shielding us from the crises that we had no idea until days later. 

I never ever would have guessed that Diabetes would become a part of our lives.  No one in our immediate families has the disease.  My children don't even eat sugar!  Now, I've learned that this type of diabetes has nothing to do with what you eat, or what I ate when I was pregnant with her.  It is plain old bad luck.  A wonky pancreas that won't produce the insulin to break down the sugars in her blood.  My little girl really truly is a sweet little thing!

This has been the most difficult thing I've ever experienced in my life.  And the journey is just beginning.  Every morsel of food that passes her lips could potentially put her life in danger.  We've been schooled on how to poke her several times a day to check her blood sugar levels.  We've been taught how to inject insulin into her belly, her thighs, her arms.  We've been told it gets easier.  I wonder when.

 
 her last food before we begin counting her carbs in everything she eats...forever

 
Sunshine's first time watching a movie

 
 a moment of peace

 
mealtimes

 
feeling better

 
going home

But today, right now, I am so grateful.  My three babes are all sleeping soundly in their beds.  In 10 minutes I have to go poke my girl for her first glucose test during the night.  And depending on the reading, I just might sleep a little better tonight...we'll see.

this past year...

This past year has been a big one in so many ways.  Perhaps they all have been, yet the day before the last day of 2010, I feel full.  And so very very blessed.  Maybe this is mostly for my family, but I want to remember the highlights of this past year.  Most have been wonderful and magical and beautiful.  One has been so terribly sad.  But with all the wonder, the simple, the challenging, each has made this year memorable.

This past year...

...brought my littlest sweet boy into the world.  Words cannot express my gratitude for his lovable nature, his chubby perfection, and his robust health.  I love this little angel with all my heart!

 
...saw my little Sunshine girl blossom!  From barely uttering a word at her brother's birth, within just over a month, she was saying complete sentences.  Today, I hear her singing carols, and lets us all know that she is one empowered little soul!

 
...witnessed my biggest little boy grow in leaps and bounds.  He learned so many skills - biking, skateboarding, snowboarding, and yesterday he really began skiing!  He has grown into his role as the big brother with enthusiastic responsibility!

 
...also brought this very blog to birth!  I never would have believed that I would be so connected through a computer to so many very wonderful mamas.  The creativity and inspiration and support has been so generous and heartfelt that it humbles me.  Such gratitude I feel to all of you!

...saw my entire maternal family gather together to celebrate my granny's 100th birthday!  It was so wonderful to introduce my three sweet children to my extended family.  I especially enjoyed seeing all the little ones scampering about, weaving amongst the older folks.  Sadly, my granny never made it to the celebration as she fell asleep getting her hair done!

...I embraced a whole new level of creativity that had been laying dormant since before I had my first babe.  Largely due to this very blog world, I feel so inspired each and every day to create - whether it be with fabric, wool, paper, or food - and make each precious moment so very memorable.

...our community was rocked by the tragedy of losing young Zack.  Without reason, Zack slipped away to "ride his skateboard from cloud to cloud" - as Forrest believes!  Out of this senseless, devastating experience, our small, eclectic community rallied and embraced Zack's family in a great bear hug of love.

 
...we were fortunate to continue growing our own delicious, healthy food right out our front door!  From building our soil to starting our seeds to harvesting the bounty, it is so reassuring in this day to be able to know exactly what my precious babes are eating.  I feel so very fortunate that we are able to do this and I don't take it lightly, at all.

 
...I was loved and supported by some very old, dear friends while also connecting to new kindred souls.  My old friends know me so well, while it feels like my new friends have always been there!

...we began the homeschooling journey with our oldest.  While it is a casual beginning, it has been so very right for us.  (I couldn't imagine being away from him six hours a day, five days a week!)  I look forward to all the wonderful adventures that lay ahead.

...saw my family stretch and grow and adapt in a myriad of ways.  Each of us has changed over the course of the past twelve months and it feels so very good to be with these other four people who I call my family.  I don't know why I am so fortunate to be their mama or wife, but here I am.  And I'm loving the ride as much as I can!

 
Indeed, this past year has been full! 

Full of people, love, creativity, laughter, tears, heartache, surprises, joy, and family.  I look forward to 2011 and all the possibilities it will bring!

surrendering

This past week has been a challenging one for this mama.  Once again, I am getting used to being mostly a single parent for the season as Josh is in and out of the mountains all winter.  Over the years, I have learned that my state of mind is directly reflected in the peacefulness of our home.  Attitude, attitude, attitude.  Well, this was put to the test this week when two out of three little ones came down with the stomach flu and papa was so very far away.  While carrying around a miserable baby, doing piles of laundry, and steeping pots of tea, my mama mantra was, "Surrender, this too shall pass". 

And with all the focus on my poor, unhappy littlest fella, my older two spent a lot more time doing independent activities.

 
reading

 
music appreciation

 
sewing

 

outdoor play

 
crafting

And once my littlest fella was feeling a bit better, he showed us his newest skill...

 
Oh, yes indeed!  Surrendering to this very moment is the best advice for this upcoming winter season.  Truly it is the key to a centred mama and a happy home!

courage

As Autumn re-introduces herself, the leaves turn from green to golden to scarlet, and then fall to the earth below.  A reminder of the cycle of life that permeates everything around us, enveloping all we know.  This Autumn has already proven a test of courage for my family and our community.  We have recently experienced a loss so senseless, so inexplicable, that it can leave a hollow agony in one's soul.  But with the courage we all possess, deep inside, we are able to continue in our daily rhythms to provide comfort and familiarity to our children, and each other.

Today is a day to defeat the dragon within.  To look towards this time of dwindling light and see the glimmer of hope off in the distance.  To focus on the strength inherent in one's very being, and to use that strength to continue.

My children and I have made a lot of dragons these past two weeks. 

 

 
 
 
 
Yes, my children and I have made a lot of dragons these past two weeks.  We have talked a lot about courage.  And Heaven.  Their resilience gives me strength.

May you be blessed with your own inner courage to face the challenges of life with grace and fortitude.

remembering zack

Once upon a time there lived two little boys who were brothers, and also great friends.  They played together after breakfast until they went to bed at night.  They loved each other dearly.

One day after tea they went out to play and as they were  chasing each other and laughing together, they came to a wood.  They soon stopped running because there were so many trees and the path was narrow.

After a while they came to a big wrought iron gate which they opened and found themselves in a beautiful garden with sweet scented flowers, all colours of the rainbow.  Butterflies were fluttering from flower to flower and the bees were humming contentedly.

Hand in hand they wandered along the banks of a stream and watched the fish swimming in the rippling water.  They lay in the grass and gazed up at the blue, blue sky.  They watched the sun disappear behind a cloud and then reappear in a golden glow and red and purple clouds.  Soon it vanished and one little star appeared and then another.  It was twilight.  The older child said, "I wish I could stay in this garden forever", but the younger boy said "Quickly, we must go home, it is already late and our mother will be worried."  So they speedily made their way to the gate.  The younger boy passed through the gate but before the older boy could pass through, a great wind arose and blew the gate shut.  It closed with a clang.

"Oh, what shall I do?" cried the younger boy, "I can't go home without you."  He tugged at the gate in vain.  The older boy peered through and said, "I can't come with you now but we will see each other again, I know."  The younger boy pulled at the gate again and again.  Heavyhearted, he hurried home through the wood.  He was crying and would have stumbled and fallen if it had not been for a light which showed him the rough places and the tangled roots of the trees.  As he came out of the wood a voice said, "Don't cry.  You will see your brother again in your dreams."

The little boy was very sad indeed and missed his big brother with all his heart.

One night the little boy had a dream that he was in the same beautiful garden and the older boy came running up to him and said, "Oh, I've been waiting for you for a long time.  Let us play star-catching with the angels--it is such fun!"  They ran and played, throwing the stars lightly from one to the other.  Suddenly, an angel handed the older boy a star to give to his brother.  Joyfully, the older boy touched first his forehead then placed it in his hands and finally touched his heart where it glowed.  "Now you will always have a light where I have touched you.  There is so much for you to do, little brother, and I will always be near you to help if you need me.  I must go my way and you must go yours, have courage!"

When the little boy woke up he felt much happier.  He felt warm inside and knew now that his brother was near him.

{This story is adapted from Lifeways - Working With Family Questions (Hawthorn Press, 1983)}

 

Zack

came over the rainbow bridge on April 30, 2000

and returned on September 9, 2010

 

 

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

 

Shine on, little Zack.  You are so very loved.

a break or two

When I started this blog last winter, most people who know me were rather surprised.  They know how technologically challenged I am.  Inherently.  Even today when I was told by my sister to "just get on-line to look into a rental car", my brain sighed and my mind groaned.

Well, it's becoming apparent how true this aversion really is.  Technology and me are like oil and water.  So it is no surprise that suddenly I cannot upload photos from home AND my little point and shoot is on the fritz!  Time for a break, ahem.

I will be back on Friday September 10 with my Moment to Savour.  That gives us 10 days to look into installing high speed...yes, oh yes, I have been using dial-up for the last 7 months of blogging!  I see it as a lesson in patience.  (Though, it seems that I'm not learning much of the lesson lately.)

In the meantime, I'll spend a little more time at the beach with the children. 

 

I reckon I'll return a little more technologically savvy.  See you then!